What happens when you don’t fit the mold?
I watched the movie Whalerider (for the umpteenth time) this week. I love it, heartbreaking as it is to watch Pai’s spirit being crushed by her grandfather’s traditional, gender-biased beliefs. While searching for the tribe’s next leader, he refuses (until nearly too late) to see that leader is Pai.
I resonate with Pai’s story—with finding herself caught between self-actualization and getting the love and approval she wants and needs. Have you ever had this thought: “I can either fulfill my dreams, or I can be loved” ? It’s a fallacy, but a common belief among my clients.
Pai has a happy ending. Pai knows who she is with that singular clarity of preadolescent girls. Not in words—I don’t think she would say she is meant to be the next leader, but she is all that’s called for, even though being that way gets her ostracized. With this unapologetic ability to be who she is fully, comes vast courage.
So I’ll ask you again: What happens when you don’t fit the mold? When you realize that who you really are simply won’t be shoved into the expected “slot?”
My clients come to me worn out, sometimes physically, but always at the level of heart and spirit. The feeling of not being valued for who you truly are is crushing.
When you reach this realization of “I don’t fit—what I’ve ben trying to make myself become, isn’t working,” you have a choice: be who you are anyway and deal with the associated losses: relationships, security, confidence, etc., or continue in the ill-fitting slot, loved and appreciated, but only half alive. Few of us are brave enough to do the former without a fierce, loving ally.
That’s what I am for my clients: a source of fierce, powerful love.
Pai has her grandmother, her uncle, and other community members helping her stay true to who she’s meant to be. She needed her grandfather as an ally to in order to have both love and her destiny.
Coach’s Challenge: Who’s your fierce, loving ally? If you are ready to have BOTH love and your dreams, send me an email – it’s time for us to talk.
P.S. If you’ve read my books The Curse of the Neverland and Becoming Piper Pan, you’ll recognize these themes. I believe our core struggles come out in our creativity. It’s a place to heal, to express deep feelings. Not on purpose—but when you dare to be true to your inner voice, it comes out, like it or not. I tell people now, that I wrote those books to give myself a happy ending. It worked!
