The term “flock” is my variation of the currently common suggestion to “find your tribe.” I like tribe as well, but as I’m working in the realm of soaring, I’m going with flock. When I say it, I’m referring to a special group relationship, one that both inspires and supports you.
What is a flock?
This is something I’ve been thinking about a good deal. It’s a really important part of what I believe we need to thrive on our life journey. But articulating it is a work in progress. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far
5 ways to know your flock:
1. You are on a shared journey – one that matters deeply to all of you.
I would call this the journey of your soul, although it probably has a more pedestrian function at face value: profiting from your passions, raising funds to support those in need, creating a community artist studio/gallery, educating people on green lifestyles, and so forth. The shared journey is often connected to a higher vision of service: bettering conditions, opportunities, society, etc. Sometimes the people in your flock are ahead of you on the journey, sometimes behind. You need both, so you can learn from what works, and pass it on.
2. Being with them makes you more of the person you want to be.
I have heard from more than one wise person, that “you become a combination of the 5 people you spend the most time with.” Who are those 5 people for you, and would you be happy to become more like them? If not, they shouldn’t be part of your flock. Bless them on their path. They’ll likely fade from front and center in your life if you make a decision that you aren’t aligned for the highest good.
3. You feel proud to be known as one of them.
You hold these people in high esteem, and respect them deeply. This doesn’t mean they are perfect, or you won’t have conflict – they’ll grow and make mistakes as they do, just as you will. But they are growing, and their growth supports you.
4. They see your magnificence and hold you to being your best self.
These people believe in you 100%, even when you are playing small. These people hold you in high esteem. They couldn’t do that if they didn’t see your magnificence, especially if you are playing smaller than you want to at the moment. They see who you ARE, not just what you do. This kind of clarity creates a safe and healthy basis for giving and receiving honest, constructive feedback.
A flock is NOT, (unless you are very lucky,) your family, and not necessarily your friends, although friends made from among your flock will likely be your friends for life. Relationships, connections, and associations develop for a whole range of reasons. Here are a few that are common, but are not as foundational to your growth as “your flock:”
· Connections of happenstance: grow from physical proximity, mutual connections, sharing something in common.
· Connections of convenience: these are people you see so often that you include them in your close sphere – like people you work with, for example.
· Connections of mutual desperation: this is the least desirable, but sadly, not uncommon. These bonds are formed through shared woes, common “enemies.” Perhaps you’ve been ostracized, and the only association available to you is someone who has also been marginalized.
All of these, even the last ones, have value in connecting us to fellow humans. But this type of connection has a self-limiting factor. These people only expect (or want) a certain range of behavior from you. If you grow too much, or succeed too much, you can’t, or likely won’t, stay connected.
If you’ve used this as a reason not to grow, you aren’t alone. It’s scary to outgrow familiar, comfortable connections. Doing so requires redefining “who we think we are.”
** Your Coach should be part of your flock. If he or she is not, you have the wrong coach! If you don’t have a flock, start by hiring a coach who sees and believes in you. If you’d like to talk to me about my coaching programs, drop me an e-mail: lindy@wecansoar.com
Coach’s Challenge: As you go about your life this week, notice whom you are connected to, and whether or not you would consider them part of your flock. This exercise is not for purposes of judgment or alienation, it’s to ask you to tune in to where you are receiving the kind of uplifting and supportive energy a flock provides. You may find it’s time to ask the Universe to bring you more of your flock.
Next week, we’ll explore how your voice and your message are a magnet for attracting your flock.
Want to use this article on-line or for your e-zine? Feel free — just please include the following:
Lindy McLaine, of www.wecansoar.com, helps people in the second bloom of life pinpoint their Life Purpose and create the best possible lives they can imagine. She is using her creativity to attract a community who responds to today’s challenges.by stepping up to the plate and into their gifts, while believing in each other and themselves.
