I just got back from a great, intense, 2-day Hand Analyst Association meeting in Los Angeles. I say this to set the stage. Any time a group whose goal is self-awareness gets together, you can count on diving deep, and on transformation. We all got a chance to see our Life Lessons in action, and even better, to experience the power of seeing them as the illusions they are.

A very few of us have just one Life Lesson. Most of us have more. Some of us have enough that instead of a whole list, our Life Lesson becomes one of the Life Schools. When you get your Life Lesson read, you have a list of each one and what they look like in action. It’s not a question of better or worse. It becomes about the distinct “flavor” of your particular combination.

The key is to pay attention, and to notice how your particular combination plays out for you. There will be a refrain that runs in your head when you hit that stuck-point – the one where you give yourself the “logical” reason to turn back. The Power of your Life Lesson is its power to transform your life when you recognize it for the illusion it is.

Let me give you an example. My Life Lesson is the School of Love. That means not saying what I really feel for fear of rejection. The master path is emotional authenticity: expressing my feelings so they can move and change instead of getting stuck. On the first day, at the end of a long, challenging day of practice readings, one of the teachers and I had a misunderstanding. I felt attacked and discounted. But I revere this woman, so it would not have occurred to me to open my mouth and say “What are you talking about?” It is not my habit to stand up and demand clear communication. That feels like conflict, which is also a part of the student path of the School of Love. So I just swallowed it (though my face hides nothing!)

Everyone headed to the bar for Happy Hour at that point, and continued connection. I went to my room instead.

The refrain in my head sounds something like “Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, I think I’ll go eat worms!” I want to take my marbles and go home and not play with these awful people any more. Mind, our Life Lessons might have childish or adult-sounding voices, but they are generally illogical, and never real.

In my room, I talked to myself in the bathroom mirror, I yelled and cried, stood up for myself, and defended my point of view. Then I got a grip and realized I did want to keep connecting, so I swallowed my sizable pride and went to join the others. I sat at the edge, and bit by bit, the corrosive edge wore down enough to interact in satisfying ways.

When the teacher in question left the table, an hour or two later, she saw me, approached me, said she had been worried about me, and asked how I was. I saw my chance and leapt. “I’m mad at you,” I said. “You hurt my feelings.” I proceeded to explain what I thought she had said, and she in turn clarified that wasn’t what she meant, and she apologized for her part in our misunderstanding.

Here’s the amazing part of the experience. I appreciated her concern and apology, but as soon as I actually said what I felt, the weight inside my throat and heart lifted. That happened independent of her response to me. Everything was better, as soon as I got to tell my truth.

That’s what my Life Lesson looks and sounds like. How about yours?

Coach’s Challenge: This week, when you get mad/ frustrated/ hurt/ upset or give up, listen to the voice in your head. What is it saying? Does it blame someone else? Does it put you down? Does it tell you no one understands? Listen to it, identify it, and tell it to… be quiet (using whatever language you want!). Speak up. Make the choice. Take action anyway. You’re doing it! You are learning to take the wind out of your Life Lesson’s sails! It takes LOTS of practice. That’s why it’s called a Life Lesson. Be loving and patient with yourself. And leave a comment on my blog, relating your experience.