How comfortable are you at allowing what is? When things aren’t quite going the way you would like and you feel yourself chafing at the bit, can you let it be okay that it is what it is?
I’m not talking about giving up, or even saying “things are fine as they are, I should just be grateful, I shouldn’t want more.” At the risk of being offensively American, raised in a culture of consumerism, I say it‘s our God-given right to want more. Not only that, it’s our nature. A desire arises, we fulfill it, then a new desire appears. It’s part of what leads us to grow into our full potential. It isn’t about having more, it’s about who we need to become in order to claim that next dream.
Back to allowing what is… I believe this is one of life’s essential paradoxes. How can you want more and be fine with what is? The trick is this: it’s not either/or, it’s both/and. “I want more, and I am grateful for what is.”
What about when the “allowing what is” includes being in pain (whether physical, mental, or emotional)? Ah, pain. Yes, you need to allow it, to fully feel it in order for the feeling to shift. And you must make space and arrangements for healing. When it’s enough of a crisis, you simply have no choice. Like my friend who is fighting cancer: she has to put everything on the back burner. She must simply allow what is, and use her energy to heal.
Before we reach the crisis point, it’s less clear. Most of us are prone to putting ourselves second (or third, or fourth, or last.) Prioritizing our self-care is a new habit for most of us. (And by the way, that’s exactly what signing up for my Reiki program involves – sale announcement coming right up!) I encourage actually writing down a plan for self-care, putting it on your calendar, and treating it like any other appointment. Just show up and do it (and enjoy it, hopefully!)
I am prone to depression. It feels like the “black beast” has been breathing down my neck for some weeks, and I keep trying to outrun it. Of course that’s why I’m writing this to you. It’s my way of reminding myself there is another way, a more loving way. The trick with depression is while allowing it, not to dance with it too tightly. Like any state of mind, depression can get comfortable (in a weird sort of way.) I’m sure you know what I mean. Often it’s easier to stay in familiar discomfort than to grow, to move into unfamiliar zones that might be much healthier.
Growing is scary. It requires courage. It requires taking risks, feeling the fear and doing it anyway. It ain’t for the faint of heart! And yet – would you rather have your heart thump in fright and later in exhilaration, or die by slow, comfortable degrees? Being comfortably miserable isn’t so great either.
To embrace growth you must:
- Identify what you want
- Allow what is, and be grateful for the parts that have been serving you
- Create a solid base of regular self-care. (Time for YOU)
- Make a plan to get what you want
- Get some support to help you follow through with your plan.
We’ll talk more about these steps next time. For this week, start with allowing what is.
Coach’s Challenge: Let yourself straddle the paradox; allow the challenge at hand: the injury, the pain, the negative state of mind, the obstacle, whatever it is, and acknowledge the end-result you desire. When you can feel gratitude in the present moment, you are adding pixie dust to your pot of dreams. For me it’s a little like living in 2 spaces at once. Love your life this minute, and love the way it will be. And leave me a comment to let me know what you discover!
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