What do anger, shame, and being the queen have to do with each other?
My friend Denise Dee, at www.denisedee.com, says that wherever your rage and your shame is, there lies your greatest source of wealth. She does amazing work with people helping them reopen their psychic and intuitive channels, clear the gunk so they can access this wealth—both spiritual and physical. I’ve been working with Denise writing a sales page for her upcoming “Meet Your Guides” program, and loving learning more about who she is and what she does.
It’s given me cause to think about where my anger and shame is most tied up. I believe it’s around my experience of being female. I was a girl instead of a boy, and it seemed to me all good things could come to a boy, but hardly ever to a girl. (Mind you, my 3 brothers did not grow up with any more ease, delight and good fortune than I did, but I held that belief all the same.)
Taken beyond my personal experience and making my mess my message, my beef is that the light goes out of girls, sometime between the age of 9 and 15. Particularly in regard to the way they see themselves and envision their future.
You can see it in their eyes. Smile at a young girl, and her returning smile comes from deep inside. It’s clear, she fairly glows, she seems lit up by life, she’s a queen in the making (and I’m not talking about homecoming!) Smile at a teenage girl, a young woman, and the answering smile is far more complex. It’s usually a social smile, coming from the surface. There might be all kinds of things between that smile and her light—distrust, disappointment, anger, shame, to name a few.
What happens to make this change? Why is it so prevalent?
I believe a major contributor to the problem, that of girls losing their light, is the way women around them lead their lives. It’s not what you say to children that sticks, it’s what you do, and how you are living your life.
Let’s take me, for example. Women in my mother’s family were frustrated powerhouses. They were extremely capable, highly creative, short-tempered, impatient, and quick to judge. My sense is this was because they did not have a “realm” for their Jupiter (leadership) energy. They were queens relegated to the role of housewives.
Women in my father’s family were gracious, socially adept, and—dare I say it—meek. They got to be queens, but only some of the time, and only in certain environments. (as I saw it, only when they were entertaining, being the hostess.) As soon as the “king” entered, she quickly abdicated, bowing to his declarations. There was no arguing, no questioning. At least not that I saw.
Of course there were other women around me as I grew up, but like it or not, our families have the greatest influence over us—over our beliefs and behaviors.
Enter ME. My life purpose is all about Jupiter energy: power and passion. If you believe, as I do, that our souls choose the family we come into, I chose one where being a leader as a female and being that leader unilaterally (being the Queen ALL the time,) would be a challenge. I didn’t know that was my purpose, and no one was modeling it. So now that I know, I get to claim it and grow into it so those around me also have permission to grow into themselves.
That’s my hope, here on this blog, in this newsletter, that your experience is one of being invited to be more deeply and fully yourself.
Coach’s Challenge: 2 assignments: 1) What is the greatest source of your anger and shame? I suggest you journal about it to find your way to clarity. Then look at how that very thing is the most important kernel of the message you need to deliver into the world. 2) Do you allow yourself to be Queen? Try it this week. See where it is easy, and where it is harder. Each of us needs to be Queen in our own lives. I’ll talk more about it another time. As always, I invite you to leave a comment, share your journey!
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