Judgment is one of the most insidious and destructive habits I have. How about you? Are you busy judging others? How about judging yourself?
Actually, any time you judge someone else, the energy boomerangs back at you. These days I can feel it. That ought to be motivation enough to stop, but it continues to challenge me. Did you catch that? I just did it in an underhanded way—judged myself, that is.
Any time you find yourself using the word “should,” or “ought to” there’s implied judgment. Some other potential flags: “Wouldn’t it be better if…?” “Can you believe…?” “…sure as heck screwed that up!”
Energetically, judgment is like being dragged down, pushed back, or held under. Basically, it’s not something you would do to someone you love. Ergo it is something not to do to yourself.
Like breaking any destructive habit, it takes not just stopping the old, but inserting a new habit. Here are 5 steps to loosen judgment’s hold:
- Start by noticing. Instead of wincing, pat yourself on the back when you catch yourself in the act of judging yourself or someone else. Example: Thought: “I should be done with this to-do list by now, what’s wrong with me?” Noticing: “Wow. Zinged myself!”
- Get curious. Pay attention to what triggered your response. Was it a behavior you’ve been chided for? Something you were told never to do? Something you fear being caught (or noticed) doing? If you can pinpoint where the charge comes from, it will help. Example: “Who taught me to be such a taskmaster? Oh, yeah –I learned to perform well for kind words.”
- Neutralize your reaction. Relax and recognize the world is full of all kinds of different beliefs and behaviors. Judging is reflective of your beliefs. Example: “Hey, who says I have to achieve to receive? I could go for straight for the kind words!”
- Change your belief. Just start by giving yourself an option. Draw a different conclusion, tell yourself something new. Example: “I’m really coming along on this list! Good for me!”
- Say the new statement aloud.
Be patient. Recognize it took you a lot of years to ingrain this habit, so give yourself time to unwind it.
Finally, challenge yourself to say at least 5 kind things each day, to yourself, and to others. Words have power, and focusing on this positive result will also help to establish a new train of thought.
Coach’s Challenge: Let’s go for broke! This week, say 5 kind things to yourself first thing in the morning, and 5 more kind things at night before sleep. I know, it’s not easy, that’s why it’s called a challenge! If this IS easy for you, congratulations! Judgment is probably not your bugaboo!
