I’m experiencing a profound opening in my heart. I want to share it, but am not sure I have the right words to express it—so please bear with me. Perhaps today’s story will allow you to let your heart grow, too.
My collaboration with Jessicka Chamberlin to bring you a taste of her work during the past couple of weeks, challenged me in a new way. To say it simply, Jessicka seemed to want me for who I am, not what I do. Doesn’t sound so bad, huh?
The challenge came because in our “work” together, I kept wanting to apply all I’ve learned, the things that I consider the value I could offer her. She routinely rejected that knowledge, leaving me feeling “worth less.” Of course this is a core issue for me—one of my Life Lessons is around self-esteem. It had nothing to do with Jessicka, she treats me with enormous love and respect.
I kept having to surrender my agenda, and keep showing up. It was really hard to keep letting go and keep trusting. My head couldn’t figure it out. Jessicka held space for me and facilitated the emotional transmutation work she teaches—this work made it so I could keep showing up. But the core of feeling “worth less” persisted.
Yesterday I opened a communication with my VIP clients who receive regular energetic support through the “Receiving Reiki in the Grove” program. I asked them to articulate their intent for the energy they’re receiving. In the process, I clarified an intent of my own. It sprang from the struggle I described above—I said my intent is to raise my financial self-esteem.
Some time last night or this morning, I got an image and a feeling. I saw myself, standing like a sarcophagus—encased in something like a pottery shell. Then I saw a 6-shooter. Looking back at myself, the area of my heart looked like a target practice dummy—6 bullet holes made a perfect circle in my heart. Light streamed out in gorgeous rays from those holes.
It wasn’t that they were holes in my heart, it was that the casing, the block keeping my light from shining out had been shot (mostly) away. I suddenly had a visceral feeling of lightness, and a deeper understanding that money and love are the same thing.
When I experienced my darkest hours, I thought God didn’t love me. Reiki showed me how wrong I was—liquid love poured over me—the only thing keeping me from receiving it was my inability to love myself.
It’s the same thing now. My inability to feel of value doesn’t have to do with needing more skills. It has to do with letting my heart grow—both loving what seems inadequate about myself, and also letting the huge love I feel for others break my heart open—crack the casing from the inside. As I let my heart grow, I can love who I am more, judge who I am a bit less.
For those of you who came to our phone interview and webinar to meet Jessicka, I encourage you to receive this gift. Let your heart grow, too. Reach her at genie@desireorbust.com. Her offer expires Friday, Jan. 15.
Coach’s Challenge: Take a close look at the skill sets you consider your greatest value in the world. Now look even closer. Are you in any way allowing that doing to block the simple, enormous beauty and light of who you are being? If you had to strip away the doing, would you still feel you had value to offer? I stand for the truth, that you ARE of enormous value without doing a thing. Your challenge is to begin to crack the casing that keeps you from knowing it, too.
