Not long after I sent out my last e-zine, congratulating myself for successfully submitting my book query to the agent in question, I received a friendly form-e-mail rejection in response.
Anyone who knows me will tell you I am predisposed to take things personally. Maybe you are, too. I think it comes with having a lot of intuitive gifts. It’s also completely normal for your creations to feel like your “babies.” So rejection of those creations can’t help but feel like – well, rejection!
Let’s face it. Rejection can be devastating. I have let it stop me in my tracks more times than I can count. But here’s the thing: rejection comes with the territory of creativity. Rejection really just means you are putting your creations out into the world. If you are never experiencing rejection, you probably aren’t putting yourself out there. Am I right? Rejection means someone said “no thanks.” Or maybe “no way, are you kidding?” if they were on the insensitive side. You’ve got to keep going, because somewhere along the line of “no thank you”s, you will eventually get a “yes, please!” Hence the Rejection Recovery in 5 Easy Steps.
Here are 5 steps to help move you from crushed, to ready to rock and roll:
1. Have a pity party. That’s right, go all out. Feel crushed, cry, rant, rage – throw a tantrum in the safety of your own home. Feel the feelings and then some.
2. Next comes the comfort session. This can be done alone, or with a pal. You aren’t required to feel hopeful about the future yet – you can still be in that sad-and-battered space. If someone is with you, it isn’t time for them to cheer you up. Just to be with you and to empathize. This is the time for a rocking chair, music to soothe your soul, a beautiful view, a walk on the beach, a pint of Ben and Jerry’s (did I just say that? :>)), a cup of tea, a bowl of chicken soup. Soak up all the comfort and beauty you possibly can.
3. Time with friends. If you were alone in step 2, bring in the troops. I joined a friend for coffee twice this week. Each, in her own lovely way, helped my heart feel a little more whole. Friends reflect back the love you feel for them. And love is the best balm for a broken heart. Laughter works wonders as well. The chai tea lattes didn’t hurt me any, either! This is social comfort at its best.
4. Brainstorm your next steps. You’re done bemoaning what just happened. Now you get to brainstorm, strategize, and make some choices. Do you want to try the same thing again for someone else? Are changes in your creation appropriate? Or are you ready to try a completely different strategy for getting your creation to its audience? I have been through enough rounds of submission. I decided I’m ready to learn about self-publishing.
5. Activate your action plan. What is the smallest next thing you need to do? Do it. Then the next, and the next. At this point it is smart to write it down, tell a friend, and make yourself accountable to a time frame.
Taking action is the very hardest thing for me. I’ve realized that actually getting my work out into the world means letting go of the fantasy I have about how that process will go. It means I have to surrender to the Universe. (Trust issues, anyone?) It means I have to be ready to face the possibility of more rejection. Fortunately, I now have this neat 5-step process to come back to!
Coach’s Challenge: If you haven’t experienced rejection lately, which creation, or creative step, are you holding back on taking? See if you can manage to receive at least one rejection this week. Try out my “rejection recovery in 5 easy steps” plan, to fluff you back up for the next round. And let me know 2 things: did it help, and do you feel stronger for taking yet another step toward getting your creation into the hands of those who will LOVE it?
