What we do habitually is what ends up filling our lives. For better, or worse. Breaking habits, and creating new ones, takes attention, repetition, accountability, and support. This is one application of the value of coaching.
At the end of December, I committed to a Feng Shui ritual of cleaning up/throwing away 9 things for 9 days. While I can’t say it became a new habit, it definitely made me more mindful of my daily patterns: where I leave the mail. Whether I recycle catalogues immediately or wait three months “just in case,” whether I take the few minutes necessary to clean my desk before leaving what I’m working on. Studies show changing behavioral habits like these can be done in 21 days.
Our state of mind is also a habit. I’ve been paying attention to my patterns there, as well. The two bug-a-boos that jumped out at me, are Control and her wicked step-sister, Worry. I wondered whether they are particular to my Life Schools (Love and Service). I decided they aren’t. But I also determined that these two ugly step-sisters undermine our Cinderella lives no matter which Life School we attend. Control and Worry keep all of us on the Student Path of our Life Schools.
In the School of Love, Control keeps me from feeling my feelings, and Worry from expressing them. In the School of Service, Control keeps me from fully connecting with the Divine. (Complete connection requires surrender.) Worry keeps me in servitude; away from serving my own spirit first. In the School of Wisdom, Control leads to micro-managing increasingly brilliant solutions, Worry from taking action on them. In the School of Peace, Control is a way of keeping chaos at bay, but keeps true inner peace at bay as well. Worry triggers School of Peace folks into either panic, or paralysis.
If Control and Worry keep us from the Master Path of our Life School, from Divine Connection, Emotional Authenticity, taking Wise Action, and Inner Peace, what’s the answer? I believe Surrender and Trust are what set us free. Adopt the thought “I’ve done the best that I can; now I’m letting (it) go.” It takes practice. In fact, for a while, it will feel like wearing your shoes on the wrong feet! Remember, repetition is key. 21 days, at least.
I once heard my teacher, Baeth Davis, who has successfully built a million-dollar business in the last 12 years, say that if she had to go back and do those 12 years again, what she would do differently, is to not worry. In other words, worrying did not make things come out any better. In fact, the tension involved in control and worry makes it very hard to remain flexible – to adapt, to see opportunities, and respond.
Coach’s Challenge: What mind-set habit regularly keeps you from happiness? Or from taking the necessary steps to express the magnificent being you truly are? Once you identify it, decide on a different choice, and try it. Repeatedly. It helps to create a new mantra – a new phrase you can repeat to yourself. And leave a comment on my Blog page about what is working for you!
