Have you ever desperately wanted something, and then when you’ve gotten it, ignored it or let it get covered in dust? Bought new clothes you don’t end up wearing? A program you don’t end up doing?
It has certainly happened to me. Not to imply that I treat everything that way! Rather to say there is tremendous power in desire that is not always matched by having.
So the question becomes, how can we harness the thrill of desire? Since it is clearly a power that can seduce us into creating a reality that we may not, in fact, truly be happy with, what does the power and the thrill of desire serve?
Desire is one of our most effective motivators, right along with pain. (The old carrot or the stick dilemma). Desire and its second cousin, greed, have led humans to perpetrate all manner of sins. But that doesn’t make desire a bad thing, not at all.
Desire is a natural part of being human. What if we were to allow desire to be in itself an end-goal? What I mean, is this:
Next time you want something, instead of feeling desperate to get through the wanting so you can begin the having, pause. Breathe into the desire. Notice the pleasure of it. I mean, heck. Let’s be honest—building desire is what foreplay is all about. No foreplay, no fun, right? Ladies, you know exactly what I mean.
To use a less blatant example, let’s talk about the pleasure of a delicious meal. It’s 100% more enjoyable if you eat slowly, if you notice the colors, the textures, the aromas. It’s even better when you build the atmosphere to support and extend your appetite (your desire) with nice table settings, candles, maybe some music, maybe a glass of wine.
The year I spent in Peru, at age 16, I loved that what you did at parties in that culture, was dance. And when you danced, you flirted. Heavily. This was a part of the dancing, a part of the delight of the event. This flirting had no strings. It was not “leading someone on.” It just meant you were a good dancer. You made dancing fun by building up the feeling of desire.
I guess what I’m exploring here, is whether we can turn “wanting” from something associated with lack and “have-not” pain, into a part of the very abundance we seek. Mind, this is not about asceticism, not about martyrdom. It’s about learning what truly makes up abundant living. It’s about enjoying the wanting on the way to having. It’s about being happy exactly where you are as you journey to the next place.
Coach’s Challenge: Yes, it’s a mind bender, and worthy of a long philosophical discussion. But this week, try it on for size. Allow that desire itself is a part of the life of your dreams. Keep the heat on low, let it simmer—don’t let it boil over. In a powerful way, it changes the distance between having and not having. By inviting desire itself, you’re already enjoying some of the very best part! I invite you to share your thoughts—leave a comment.
