I’ve been thinking about confidence…
I have an old idea of what confidence is, that I think is getting ready to be shed.
Confidence, according to what I learned early in life, is:
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Being right
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Knowing best
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Feeling certain about one’s direction
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Feeling convinced of positive outcomes
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Knowing you have all the support and resources you need
What else does confidence mean to you?
I really like the last three “definitions.” But this week I’ve seen the fallacy in the first two. The first two “definitions” actually block you from positive possibilities.
Think about it for a minute: when you’re right, and you know best, there is a wall of defensive energy around you keeping other solutions out. You can’t afford to let other possibilities in, because if you do, it means you are WRONG.
Ah… There it is. The nugget of it. If I admit I’m … headed in the wrong direction, being totally stubborn, working against my best interest, etc. (whatever), then I’m admitting to failure. And if I’m wrong and I’ve failed, then … (here the list takes a deep dive into all the negative self-talk someone planted in your head early on: “I’m stupid.” “I’m worthless.” “I’m a total reject,” words formed from your early wound.)
The old definition of confidence feeds into getting stuck: Things aren’t working, but admitting it feels like personal failure.
Here’s another option. Let’s take confidence and add some new definitions.
Confidence is:
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Being willing to not know the answers
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Being willing to learn
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Being willing to make mistakes
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Believing in our innate CURIOSITY.
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Knowing how to ask better questions: (How else can this work? Who has an answer they can teach me? What don’t I know yet that might help? How else could I get the results I’m after?)
Coach’s Challenge:
Try this new definition of confidence on for size this week. I’m going to! Leave me a comment below with any response you have—your own understanding of confidence, your reaction to my thoughts, whatever—always glad to hear from you!
Lindy MacLaine of lindymaclaine.com is a Life Purpose Coach whose messages empower and inspire those in the second bloom of life to reclaim their dreams, reignite their passions and rekindle their joy.
She is the author of the fantasy adventure series Piper Pan and Her Merry Band, for those ages 9-109 who loved the Neverland and who long for adventures that matter.
