How do you think of, or remember, your dead ancestors?
A book and a movie made me ask these questions about remembering dead ancestors.
The movie Coco, and the book Days of the Dead by Kersten Hamilton, both bring to life the Mexican holiday honoring and remembering ancestors (mixed in with other engaging plot lines)
The holiday rendered by both book and movie is so rich—it made me realize how devoid my own life is of knowing and remembering dead ancestors.
The United States is a melting pot, and each culture brings its own traditions of how to treat those who have passed on.
“American” tradition?
But once we “melt” in that pot, is there any “American” rhyme, rule, or teaching about this? Not in my family, nor in the community in which I grew up. Those who have passed on are considered a private matter—not to be talked about.
Those we’ve known are one thing. We have our own ideas of how to best remember a grandparent, sibling, or friend we’ve lost. But what about those beyond our lives? How do we remember our “ancient” ancestors? Do we want to? What would be gained from doing so?
It makes me think:
“No wonder we in the United States are known as selfish and self-absorbed.” We see ourselves, individuals in our own time-bound bubble. We aren’t taught to live in the “river” of connection to past and future family as some cultures are. (I say “we”—and I know I’m talking about a slice of others like myself. Not everyone.)
Worth seeing:
If you haven’t seen the movie Coco, it’s really worth seeing—it’s full of heart and great music. It left me sorry not to have really clear traditions that help me know who I’ve “come from.”
As for me:
I’ve moved a lot in my life, and my family mostly lived far from other relations. While this may not be everyone’s norm, I’m guessing it is more common than not. This means no one was close by to bring those who’ve gone before us to life. No one told stories about our past ancestors—my favorite and arguably the most effective way to bring anything to life.
What about you?
Do you know about your great-grandparents? Great-great grandparents? I have distant family members (great aunts) who were “into” genealogy. So I’ve seen the family trees I “grew” from. But they’ve just been names on a paper.
Day of the Dead traditions include setting up an altar with photos of ancestors, along with gifts for them. I’ll admit photos alone wouldn’t do it for me… those photos of leathery-looking, unsmiling faces—they all blend together. I would need stories to bring my ancestors to life.
I find myself wishing I had such stories. Colorful, quirky, dead ancestor stories. I suddenly have a new perspective on why people write memoirs. Well, now I’m in my late fifties—a good time to finally “get” it!
Coach’s Challenge:
Reflect on your own manner of knowing or remembering your dead ancestors. If you have a void as I do in this area, who is left who can tell you stories? Go ask that person for a story or two. It may give you a new sense of how you fit in.