When you don’t know what you want, it makes you feel small, uncomfortable, embarrassed—because “at this stage in my life, I should know what I want, for goodness sake!”
But the truth is, it happens to all of us. If you are honest, if you are paying attention, there comes a time in your accomplished, grown-up life, when you wonder what it is you want to be when you grow up. Not just once, but periodically over your lifetime.
And more than the question, the blank wall of not knowing can produce all kinds of responses: from shame, to panic, to frustration, to downright disbelief.
My clients ask me: “So how do I figure out what I really want?”
I have lots of exercises that can help reveal the answers. But I want to talk about the general process. It is a process. It’s a journey. It’s a conversation through which you arrive at a deep knowing. It’s finding your way back home to your heart.
I believe learning what you want is something that happens not purely inside of you, but in the space of “sacred conversation.” This space can be between you and a trusted friend, coach, or counselor, or it can be with your Higher Self. By that I mean in a journaling “conversation” you have with the wise presence we can each access beyond our chattering, judgmental mind. If you’re really nutty like me, sometimes these conversations happen out loud. (True, others can only see me talking to myself!)
The most helpful thing I’ve found has been putting habits into place in our lives that allow for regular “sacred conversation” with our deep selves. My 90-day program “The River Thrive” brings a number of these habits into play. Partly it’s the nature of the “assignments,” but even more it’s that they are given so simply, a little at a time, with a playful bent, that makes it so doable.
The first class through The River Thrive graduated this week—and let me tell you, the changes they’ve experienced over these 90 days have added up to profound shifts. Better self-care, greater clarity, a more profound feeling of everyday wellbeing: “all is right with the world.”. More fun, embracing old passions (one participant took up dancing again, even took herself on a dancing cruise!)
The River Thrive is now set up as a program you can do on your own, beginning anytime. Interested? Have a look—click here to read more.
Coach’s Challenge: Take fifteen minutes alone in a quiet space to tune in to your center. Ask “what do I want?” Do you get a clear answer? If so, terrific. If you don’t know what you want, it might be time to invest in your journey back home to your heart.
