My note today is part continuation of the discussion about “reverse” ways to track your desire, and part film recommendation: Far from the Madding Crowd.
“I have discovered that at least for me, Embarrassment holds hands with Disappointment, making my desire even harder to see.”
One of my readers followed up with me after last week’s article about how disappointment points to desire, with the above insightful comment. (If you missed last week’s note, click here to read it.)
I couldn’t agree more. For me, I would go a step farther—I would say: “Embarrassment holds hand with disappointment, and they give birth to shame.” It’s a powerful stew that left unattended, totally blocks desire.
We don’t talk about shame much in our society—because, of course, it’s shameful, and the rule is that all things shameful should be kept hidden away. But it’s bringing the shame out into the light, giving it air, attention, awareness, and breath, that allows it to not only be released, but to transmute.
Several of you let me know you watched “Woman in Gold” with Helen Mirren after I recommended it last week. I saw another (quite different) gorgeous film this week: Far from the Madding Crowd. Filmed in 2015, it’s based on a novel published in 1874 by Thomas Hardy, English novelist and poet. I looked it up and learned that was 60 years after “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen, came out.
I wondered for a couple of reasons. I was fascinated by the strong woman protagonist, Bathsheba Everdeen—she seemed out of her time, to me. She spoke frankly of loving her independence, and having no need of a husband. Then, of course, at a certain point she is seduced primarily by the activation of her own hitherto-unknown sexuality, marries quickly, and regrets it at leisure.
At this point, for Bathsheba, disappointment holds hand with embarrassment and gives birth to shame. That powerful combination completely occludes any desire. She is fortunate to have someone to whom she can speak of it openly (though she forbids him to offer his opinion). Therefore she gets a chance to be heard without judgment, by someone who loves her. It’s a powerful healing combination.
I recommend this film to you not just as an example of how shame is born and how until it is faced and released, it obscures desire, but also because it is a gorgeous film. The cinematography is stunning, and the acting is excellent. I especially enjoyed the “herb” folk song she sings; its lyrics are appropriate to her character, puns full of weighty meaning.
Coach’s Challenge: Get Far from the Madding Crowd, have a fun movie night at home; let the weighty subjects rest against the fun, the beauty, and the eventual happy ending. Consider that if a woman in 1874 England can find her way back to desire, so can you! To see the movie trailer, click here.
