It can happen to any one of us. A friend we love suddenly changes. They may no longer want to interact as before. We worry about them, rant and gossip about them… but none of that really helps. So I’m writing today about what to do when a friend does a 180. Things that can help.
In the end, the only person you have control over, is YOU. So these 7 suggestions are all about making things okay inside you.
- Avoid Judgment. You cannot know what things are like for your friend on the inside. You have not lived their life, nor do you get to see things through their eyes. It’s critical not to jump to conclusions, not to condemn them or their actions.
- Avoid Gossip. When you meet mutual friends, the person who has changed quickly becomes the topic of gossip. Do not join in. Instead, say: “It’s true I have some concerns, but let’s use our caring energy to brainstorm how we can help rather than gossiping, okay? That would really help me.”
- Offer help. Ask this person if there’s anything you can do to help. If you do something unsolicited, make it free of strings. Be sure you are not expecting something in return.
- Take the time and space to grieve. Change often brings loss. It’s important to acknowledge and feel your feelings. Journal about it. Share your deep feelings about it within sacred space. (Where it will not become gossip.)
- Send prayers. Wish them well on their journey, even if you are no longer part of their life.
- Talk to their Higher Self, or their “fairies” if you cannot talk directly to the friend. The best use of this technique is to release them, let them know your love goes with them, wish them the very best on their path, forgive them, forgive yourself.
- Create a Ceremony. Ceremony is a powerful tool that gets largely overlooked in our culture. It can help to make a shift, give closure, let go of the old and welcome the new. For example, when a friend does a 180, you can:
Write down all your negative feelings about it.
Take the paper outside, burn it.
Dig a hole to bury the ashes, or release them to the wind.
Plant something: a seed, a flower, a bush, a tree. Plant it in honor of the friendship you shared, and in honor of each of your lives going forward. It will become a way you can witness them thriving in the world.
Coach’s Challenge: Do the ceremony above this week: whether about a friend or some other recent change or struggle in your life. Write down the old “icky stuff.” Destroy it. Release it. Plant something new in its place while you set your intention for the highest good for all concerned. Leave a comment below to let me know how it goes!
